the real emotional me

(picture not related to the post but it is incredibly cute and you know how i dislike a post without pictures)

crying is my go to emotional response these days.  sad things send me into a waterfall of tears, happy things do the same, sometimes it is nothing that even warrants an emotion.  it is foreign to me since i am not much of a tearful person in general, especially publicly.  i guess all that changes with pregnancy and i'm actually more glad about it than anything because i've noticed that i never feel more connected with myself and others than when pregnant.  it is hard to explain but maybe some of you moms get what i'm saying.

here are three recent examples of my emotionally connected moments:

*at the grocery store a few weeks ago the three of us ran into one of will's former coworkers that worked with him when we were dating/first married.  she had with her a grown girl with down syndrome.  i still am not sure if it was her child or someone she cares for.  anyway this girl was so sweet.  i have a soft spot in my heart (always have) for anyone who is mentally/physically challenged.  i feel like i am drawn to those people and they are drawn to me, like my dear friend {matthew}.  i have noticed the same to be true with will.  after a moment of speaking with will's former coworker about our twin news the sweet girl with her shook both mine and will's hand and told us it was nice to meet us (unfortunately i never did get her name).  will had a cute brief conversation with her.  she seemed so peaceful and happy and when we went to finish our shopping she told us again how great it was to meet us then i heard her say she loved us as we walked away.  i couldn't control myself.  i cried while walking through the store because of that sweet encounter.  after a couple minutes i regained control of my emotions long enough to finish grocery shopping then i lost it again in the car on the way home.  luckily will considers my emotional outbursts incredibly endearing.  

*there is someone i always knew of in my years working at the hospital but it wasn't until around the time will and i got engaged that i actually began talking to him and found him to be a sweet genuine guy that clearly loved his wife and kids.  i remember him being so thrilled to hear the news of will and i planning to get married.  he and his wife gave us a sweet wedding gift and i always think fondly of them when i see it hanging in our house.  not long after will and i were married his wife was suddenly diagnosed with cancer and she quickly lost the battle.  although i wasn't really close to her i remember feeling so heartbroken for the man i had grown to admire losing his wife and for their children losing their mother at a young age.  dealing with the loss of my dad has made me extra sensitive to anyone experiencing that kind of grief.  

a week or so ago we picked up will for lunch and went to the starbucks drive thru.  the son of the couple mentioned above was working at the drive thru window that day.  i've seen him there before but for some reason that day i was overwhelmed with emotion when i saw him.  luckily will was driving because i as we sat at the window waiting for our order i began crying as i told will how sad i was for that boy not having his mom here on earth.  that boy had no idea who i was or that i was crying for the loss of his mom in that moment.  in fact i turned away so he didn't even see me crying.  what made the moment even more connected is that when we went to take will back to work we parked on a different side of the hospital than usual to meet up with my mom.  my mom was playing with ever outside of the car and up walks our 

friend (the father of that boy).  i haven't seen him in ages.  he didn't know we were expecting twins.  we hugged and briefly caught up.  as he walked away i remarked to my mom and will how interesting it was that i was just crying after seeing his son and thinking of all that family has been through then i run into him.  my mom ended up sharing the little story later on that day in an email to our friend.  he wrote back the sweetest response about how he felt it was a fortunate encounter to see me earlier that day and how he's always felt a connection with will and i.  he mentioned our tender hearts and what a special couple we are.  i cried again after seeing his email and i felt a real sense that the events of that day were not an accident.  it was actually a a moment that i found joy in being able to connect with someone based on what i had been through myself.  sure i'd rather my dad was still alive but i have moments where i can find the positive side (if i dig really deep) of him no longer being here and that was one of those times.      

*last week will ran into chipotle to get us dinner.  ever was "driving the car" as we listened to music.  there was a little screwdriver in the cup holder of the car that will had used earlier in the day for something he was doing at work.  i picked it up and started using it like a microphone as i was singing along with the song.  ever looked at my with the most amazed loving look and you guessed it.....i started crying.  she wanted to copy me so i gave her the "microphone" and she pretended to sing along.  then she passed it back to me and asked me to do it again.  she was obviously very impressed.  i was so lost in my performance for her which now included tears that i didn't even notice will standing at the door watching and waiting for me to unlock it.  i quickly noticed him and he got in the car saying that was the cutest thing he could have witnessed which turned my emotion into a mixture of tears and hysterical laughter.  eventually i calmed down enough to explain why i was crying and will told me how i was the coolest person in the world.   

so there you have it....the pregnant me....or the real me.