finding out about the twins!

first a few things worth mentioning before i share the details of that moment......

i have really neglected this place of mine.  i did the same thing when i was first pregnant with ever because i didn't feel well at first.  also i wasn't ready to share the news right away but it was what constantly consumed my thoughts so i didn't know what else to talk about.  this time around i have felt way sicker for much longer.  i lucked out and only felt bad for about 3 weeks with ever.  i loved being pregnant with her and knew i could easily do it again if the experience was just as pleasant.  i kept thinking maybe i had a boy in there this time and that was why i felt so different.  very early on in the pregnancy i joked that i might have twins in there because i was already noticing my belly growing which didn't noticeably happen until around 17 weeks or later with ever.  everyone told me that with the second pregnancy you show much earlier but still i was surprised at my expanding waistline.  i was a little over 7 weeks along when i had my first ultrasound.  we saw a heartbeat at that visit but only one heartbeat and one baby.  i was relieved.  i was certain twins would be more than i could handle.  although one baby was confirmed with that ultrasound i still had moments where i thought about twins and mentioned them.  i also noticed them more than i ever had before.  it was like i knew even though i didn't really know...some part of me did anyway.  funny fact: the day before our most recent ultrasound will and i saw a couple with twins and i said....i'm so glad we aren't having two babies at once...that must be so hard.  everyone who knows us knows that ever was a very challenging baby.  she liked to cry a bunch, she didn't like to sleep much at all, she didn't eat very well.  the sleeping and eating is something we are still struggling with from time to time.  she was nothing like babies i'd known throughout my life.  she hated being a baby.  every milestone that gave her the ability to move more and express herself more she became easier to handle.  our pediatrician predicted very early on that she was one of the babies that didn't like being a baby and she was so right.  she progressed so quickly and has always exceeded the common milestones for her age.  she is still very determined, fiery and smart.  that is just ever and we love her for it.  i think we misunderstood her at first but her intense spirit is what we adore most now.  i've often wondered how i will handle ever and a newborn but i kept telling myself that this baby would be a calm one and ever would enjoy having a sibling so it would work out just fine. 

tuesday march 25th i was excited to go to my ultrasound appointment.  my mom kept ever while will and i went to see our new addition on the big screen.  i don't think i can adequately describe the moment....the moment where we learned there was more than one baby in there.  it was like everything was in fast forward and slow motion at the same time.  it was like every possible emotion flooded both will and i at the same time.  nan (ultrasound tech) put the wand on my belly and then took it off real quick and smiled.  in that split second view i knew instantly what i saw....two babies.  will didn't notice it but nan quickly said something like....so you know you are having twins right?  all i remember is will hugging me and us both having tears in our eyes then we kept laughing.  we were so shocked!  immediately my thoughts turned to the expense of two babies.  we had already talked about how nice it is that we won't have to buy all the big stuff again like a crib, car seat, etc.  i decided there wouldn't be a need for a double stroller either because ever isn't big on riding in the stroller.  we knew if we were having a girl we'd be set clothing wise so basically the biggest expense would be diapers.  i also thought about how i'm not even sure 3 car seats will fit in our vehicle.  we never imagined twins would be part of the equation.  i pushed the stressful thoughts out of my head right away and told myself we are obviously meant to do this and it'll somehow work out.  i completely enjoyed watching two little babies dance around on the screen.  they were both so active.  we all laughed and joked that there were two more ever's in there because she was the ultimate wiggle worm in ultrasounds.   watching them move around and then having nan explain everything about baby a and baby b was so magical and intense.  she tried to determine gender but it was still too soon.  it's possible we could even have one girl and one boy in there because they are fraternal twins.  

one thing that genuinely made me sad about having two babies at once was the thought of not being pregnant again.  pregnancy and becoming parents is something both will and i enjoy way more than we thought we would.  we always talk about how sad we will be when that chapter of our lives closes.  our master plan originally was to have two children.  after ever was born we decided three would be our limit.  now i'm not so sure i can handle the idea of only being pregnant approximately 6 more months then never again.  we just decided we can't say for certain how many children we are going to have.  so much goes in to a decision like that and i guess we will cross that bridge when we come to it.  we may have 3 children, we may have 4.

after hugging nan and collecting the pictures of our two babies we had the obstacle of getting to my mom before letting anyone else in on the big news.  basically everyone in that office is extended family for us and sharing this moment with them is special.  the second we walked into the hallway a couple of people asked to see pictures.  i told them my mom had to see first as i held in giggles.  we walk in to my mom and i had it all figured out.  i'd show her this picture first....
which clearly shows two babies and i'd see if she would pick up on it.  
i showed her the picture and she didn't pick up on it so i showed her the rest which were labeled either baby a or baby b.  she still didn't pick up on it.  then she said i feel like you are trying to tell me something...does baby b mean that it's a boy?  finally i said mom there are two babies in there, we are having twins! 
she freaked out!  i can't remember all that was said but i know she started yelling and hugging us and it was just a crazy moment.  ever wasn't keen on all the yelling and excitement.  she looked worried and then she said...mama freak out?  poor girl was confused so we had to try to tone it down a bit.  we went around the office sharing our news.  dr. taylor was shocked he didn't see both babies at the first ultrasound.  we were all just excited and shocked and it was a celebratory moment like none other.  

i couldn't focus on much of anything the rest of the day.  i called friends and family members to share  the news once i got home.  later at dinner i kept telling will that i couldn't believe we were going from a family of 3 to a family of 5 instantly.  it was all we could think about or talk about.  that evening my nerves set in when i googled facts about twin pregnancies.  i started to worry about the risks and possible complications.  i wondered how giant my belly would be.  i was just stressing out.  i text my mom to tell her i was scared and she sent me a text back with the most beautiful inspired words that made me cry.  now that some of the shock is starting to wear off i'm getting a little more used to the idea of twins.  i know that while many things seems impossible at the moment it'll all work out just fine.  something that really brought a smile to my face was feeling movement for the first time yesterday.  before i knew there were two babies i thought i felt the slightest bit of movement last week but i dismissed it thinking it was too soon.  i guess with two in there it is possible though and yesterday without a doubt i felt little tiny wiggles throughout the day.  it is one of my most favorite things about pregnancy.

so there you have it...the story of how our lives changed more than we could have imagined in a single moment.