as promised...

here is the video i mentioned in this post.

it takes her about 20 seconds to decide i'm funny and this laughter is not near as boisterous as the laughter that came from her when i was actually choking.
still....it is so cute!


the connection

at about 1:00 am on july 26th something happened, something i had been anticipating since i discovered i was pregnant.  i was trying to get my little night owl settled in for the evening, and while doing so, with will by my side i was scrolling through old pictures and videos on our camera.  i am rather obsessed with these pictures.  i can't even tell you how many times i have looked at them, partially because i love them since they tell the story of a new chapter in our life and partially because i have been trying to make that chapter seem real.  i have heard so many stories from moms of the moment they felt "the connection".  you know that intense feeling of love that forms an insanely strong bond and makes the dream suddenly real.  some people say it happened while they were pregnant but most say it happened the moment they held their baby for the first time.  while i was pregnant i felt connected to ever but not that insane thing they speak of.  i loved being pregnant.  i loved every kick and simply knowing that she was so close to me all the time.  although my waist was expanding and every ultrasound confirmed a life developing inside me it still just seemed extremely surreal, for will and i both.  we had many conversations about when we thought it would all come together and seem real to us.  we for sure thought that would happen when we held ever for the first time.  i adored her in those first moments, days, and weeks but still i didn't feel that magical connection just yet.  even during the reality of her constant need for attention from me in one way or another i didn't quite grasp that i was a mom and this little bundle was mine. i love ever and would do anything for her.  i put every need of hers before my own but still our relationship seemed unreal.  i started to feel like a bit of a failure that i had yet to feel "the connection".   maybe it was the extreme sleep deprivation, the fact that she was a very fussy newborn, or the fact that i was struggling so much with my own emotions that our connection was delayed.  i'm not sure why it was delayed but one thing i'm absolutely certain of is that in those early morning hours, as i sat on our bed with tears in my eyes looking at the days old version of ever on our camera and the almost four month old sleeping peacefully in front of me...it happened.  the long awaited and much anticipated connection i had been desperately hoping for happened and it all became real.  


new story...old pictures

so yesterday ever was on my lap and i was eating edamame.  i swallowed a piece wrong and started coughing really hard.  my eyes were watering as i kept coughing and clearing my throat.  ever had a funny reaction to my nonstop coughing.  she cracked up!  it was about a month ago that we heard her very first giggle and since then she has laughed more and more but this was an all out cracking up laugh like never before.  the more i coughed the more she laughed.  too bad i wasn't able to record her because it was hilarious.  my mom says ever laughing at my pain is payback since i have a bad habit of laughing at people when they trip or fall or anything like that. i guess she is just like me.  
later in the night as i was getting her ready for bed i started coughing and clearing my throat for fun to see what her reaction would be.  i didn't think she would laugh again but she totally did and i recorded it.  her laughter wasn't quite as boisterous as it was when the real deal was happening but it was still so cute.  i'll have to get the video on here soon.   


the tiny days

ever was about 4 weeks old in this video.
she has grown so fast and sometimes i dislike that reality.
i'm glad i recorded so many moments, because when i miss her tiny days i can look back at pictures and videos like this.
she amazes me.


ever's latest...

i keep intending to catch up on the blog but ever keeps me very busy and the times i'm not tending to her needs i'm trying to catch up on other stuff.  i hope i figure out how to balance my time better soon.  some days it seems like things are getting so much easier then there are days like today when i am functioning on very little sleep and ever has had so many meltdowns.  over the weekend she was such a doll.  it was as if she really found her voice and was very excited about it.  she spoke her sweet baby language all day long.  we couldn't stop laughing about how vocal she was.  she's always been pretty expressive but recently she is taking it to another level and i adore her "talking".  i don't want to forget her cute quirks and eventful days so it's my goal to find time to document things on the blog a little more often.
taking pictures on my phone is the easier thing these days so here are a few of the most recent shots...
her "angelina lips" according to my mom.

ever's doctor seems to think she has a bit of acid reflux that could be causing her cranky outbursts so she prescribed this nasty medicine to see if it would help.  luckily i do notice a difference in her behavior.  if only the medicine tasted better.  i wanted to know why she puts up such a fight about taking it so i tasted the stuff......it's so nasty but it seems to be helping.  can you tell she isn't thrilled about her first prescription?

i remember one of the ultrasound pictures she was doing this same stink bug pose in the womb.
she liked it then and likes it now.

post meltdown one evening.

see how she's holding her duck toy?
her two car seat toys are absolute lifesavers.  she loves them.  
thanks for the duck aleasha!

uncle brandon doesn't do baby talk or really much talking at all to her but she still loves him.
she always seems fascinated by her uncle.  
she was laughing at him right before i took this picture on the 4th of july.

here she was showing of her patriotic kitty outfit on the 4th.

this is the face i get when i take her out of the bathtub.  she would stay in there all night if i let her.  sometimes when she is upset and nothing i try helps i give her a bath...even if she doesn't need one....and she is a happy girl.

we like to show her the moon.

yesterday we met bobbie and mia at starbucks...ever certainly stole the show with her cuteness.  mia loved her, bobbie loved her, and so did all the strangers.

she likes when her papa takes a break from work to stop in and say hi.

playing video games with uncle brandon is one of her new favorite things to do.

she is happy about getting fancy.

this picture and the rest that i took of her in her halloween costume over the weekend kill me.  so adorable i can barely stand it.  i laughed so hard at our baby bat.  she was acting extra cute when we tried this on her for fun.  
i hope it fits at halloween.

i call this evolution of a smile.  her smile kept getting bigger as i was snapping pictures like the crazy picture obsessed mom i am.  my phone has filled up several times since she was born, to the point where i can't take pictures unless i upload and delete the ones on there.  that never happened before i had her.  even after i upload them i have an irrational fear about deleting them from my phone.

she loves eating her hands and i actually caught her sucking her thumb for the first time yesterday which i thought was the most adorable thing in the world.

her smiles and giggles just get better as the days go on.


good morning

waking up to this every single day....
such a treat!
the first few minutes of each morning with ever are some of my favorite minutes of the day.  
she is full of smiles, giggles, and coos.  
she looks at me with so much love that i sometimes think i'll explode due to happiness overload.
i could be so exhausted and cranky but one sweet look from her and i can't stop smiling.


the 3 month old and her tricks

this sweet girl is 3 months old today.  
it was almost as if she knew she was about to reach that milestone age yesterday because she was all about showing off her latest tricks.
she was spending time in her bouncy seat and we saw her pull on the lion which makes songs play.  it was the first time she had done that and at first we thought it was just an accident but then she did it several more times.  you should have seen will and i.  we smiled and laughed and praised her like she had just done the most amazing thing because to us in that moment it was the most amazing thing.  later in the evening she was napping in her seat.  i was getting things done around the house when all the sudden i hear her seat singing.  i walked in the room to find her like this...
she had pulled on the lion again to let me know she was awake.
it was a much better way of letting me know than her usual alert.  
i couldn't get over her expressive eyes and tiny hand pulling on the toy.  
i was extra in love with her cute actions yesterday....like bubbling over with love for her.  

ever loves to be held and pretty much refuses to fall asleep without me trying all sorts of things.  it is usually quite the production.  she is also rarely content if left alone for more than 2 minutes to play.  i was in the middle of laundry when she was being fussy last night and i decided i would try putting her in the pack n play for a little alone time while i folded clothes next to her.  she talked and smiled and rolled around in there for about 20 minutes which was a miracle.  i decided to turn on the monitor and let her stay in there while i did a few things in the kitchen since she was so content.  after a little bit she got really quiet so i went to check on her and for the first time since she was born she had fallen asleep on her own.  i felt like i had won the lottery or something.
i really love this feisty 3 month old way too much!


the 5 day weekend

she woke up in the grocery store and seemed very confused.

one of my new favorite pictures.

giving morning smiles and love to the 30 year old we adore.

being cranky with my 80 year old gramps.
 ever seems to be thinking.....is that cotton candy a monster?  umm yes i'm pretty sure it is.
we had a 5 day weekend.  will's 30th birthday was on wednesday...it was also my grandpa's 80th birthday.  
will had taken 3 days off work and it was wonderful to have him home with us.  we planned on going out of town to celebrate his special day and mine too from back in may, but ever is still unpredictable and we decided a road trip might not be so fun with her.  i call her my ticking time bomb.  she can go from fine to very angry in about 2 seconds without any kind of warning so outings with her are a tad stressful.  our long weekend was a time to relax, be with family from in town and out of town while celebrating 80 years of gramps, and a time to run errands that are too hard to do when it is just ever and i.  i was also extremely glad that will was so selfless on his special day because he sent me off for a hair appointment then saturday he watched ever while i went out with a big group of family to see brave for the second time.  the short film before brave.... la luna....pictured above...was so magical.  the first time i saw it i was completely amazed with how adorable it was so i loved seeing that again and of course seeing brave again was wonderful too especially with my mom and everyone else that had not seen it yet.  if only we could have 5 day weekends more often.