ever's birth

i swore i would never end up telling the birth story of our baby girl.  i tend to be a private person and just didn't expect i'd want to say much about that moment.  now that it is done and over with i really want to talk about it and have it documented.  i was scheduled for a caesarean section april 3rd.  from the beginning of the pregnancy i decided that was the route i wanted to go after reading about both options and discussing with will and my doctor.  there were a few reasons i thought this was a better option for me but i wouldn't understand until the day she arrived why i really felt that way.  it's a shame i felt the need to keep my decision quiet but i kind of had to because i had a few judgemental people telling me how wrong i was and that got old real fast.  i have learned a lot in life that you can't judge people or their decisions no matter how much you don't agree with them.  you never know when you'll be in a similar position.  besides....it's just not my place to judge anyone.  okay on to the story.  my pregnancy was really quite lovely.  in fact there have been plenty of moments since ever's arrival that i have wanted to put her back inside.  it was much easier to care for her in there and once i was past the initial sickness of pregnancy i really enjoyed it.  sure i might have whined about the occasional backache, or puffy feet, or ten billion trips to the bathroom but all in all i felt really blessed to have such a pleasant experience with pregnancy.  april 1st i played a little joke on will.  when he was out running an errand i called and told him my water broke.  i could hear the panic in his voice once i convinced him it was true.  then i couldn't make him worry so i quickly said....april fools.  i guess i jinxed myself because late that night i began to notice a little bit of fluid leaking.  i tried to pretend it was nothing because i was so terrified.  i kept telling myself it was nothing but as the night went on and the fluid leakage increased i knew what was happening.  the bad part was i had procrastinated so many things like packing the hospital bag and grocery shopping and organizing baby things because i still thought i had another day.  i called my doctor and my mom bright and early april 2nd to figure out what i should do.  my doctor told me to go to the hospital to find out if i was in fact leaking fluid and we would proceed from there.  i was still in denial so i took my time putting on makeup and packing my bag.  dr. taylor text me and asked if i had made it to the hospital yet then he called my mom to ask her and she responded with....no she's getting ready...you know how girls are.  eventually will, my mom, and i made it to the hospital where we were greeted by my day nurse gwen who ended up being such a wonderful nurse.  we discovered it was amniotic fluid i was leaking and from there everything happened so fast.  dr. taylor came in on his day off to deliver our girl.  next thing you know my mom and will are dressing up in their operating room suits and i'm being wheeled to the cold room for the spinal block.  i was so fortunate to have the best o.r. team and doctors.  each person tried their best to calm my nerves and remind me of how great i was doing.  after i was numb and strapped to the operating table i began to feel nauseated and one of my worst fears happened.  i began to vomit which was not fun at all especially since i couldn't sit up.  one of the nice nurses helped me and acted as if it was totally normal.  all i remember saying to everyone from the moment we arrived at the hospital was....i'm so thirsty.  but they couldn't let me drink anything until it was all over and let me tell you those first bites of ice and sips of water after it was all done were pure heaven. before i knew it they began cutting me open.  my mom was watching all the action while will was at my face holding my hand.  next thing i hear is dr. taylor and dr. jackson saying....i've never seen that before.  talk about a moment of panic.  they are saying this as i'm cut open and i'm hearing my baby girls first cries.  i expected hearing ever's first cries to be an emotional moment because of the few births i've witnessed before it is such an overwhelming emotional moment.  i began to cry as i heard her scream but then worry got the best of my as the doctor's words echoed in my head.....i've never seen that before.  where they talking about me or my baby girl?  i kept asking will what was wrong and finally he told me that there was a dent in the side of ever's head.  for some reason i didn't feel as worried as i expected i would.  i was really pretty calm.  next thing you know ever is taken out of the room after i kiss her cheek for a second and she's off to get x-rays of her head.  my time in recovery seemed so long because i was anxious to know more about my baby.  how big was she?  who did she look like?  what color is her hair?  i kept asking these questions to anyone who was available.  finally my mom came in the recovery room and gave me answers.  she also told me how when they were doing x-rays of ever and cleaning her up the only person she would calm down for was will.  she would hold on to his finger and stop crying as he talked to her.  i'm sad i missed that sweet moment.  as the day wore on we discovered ever's dent was actually referred to as a skull fracture.  sounds scary right?  and apparently it was caused by her resting on something in my body during the last few weeks of development.  after calls to specialists we were reassured that although this isn't a common occurance (1 in 15,000) it isn't something to be concerned about.  as her head grows there is a chance the dent will correct itself.  the specialists say it is purely a cosmetic concern at this point and it's probably best to just sit back and wait.  what a relief.  it didn't change the fact that i felt bad for my sweet baby.  the doctors told me it was actually a really good thing that i had the c-section because of ever's skull fracture.  they said if i had delivered her natural it could have caused some serious complications to her head and there may not have been such a happy ending.  my nurse asked me if i had a premonition that something wasn't quite right and if that was the reason i leaned towards the c-section.  i wouldn't say that was the case but it just always felt right and now i know why.  i'll never forget the feeling of being wheeled out of recovery, meeting ever in the hallway, and holding her as they moved me to my room.  really meeting that teeny tiny bundle and being reunited with will as a family of three was just unreal and there are still times that it doesn't seem real to me. it all happened so fast and it was such an amazing experience.  i know ever is a determined little being...she didn't want to wait until the day she was scheduled to arrive and i can tell by her personality now that we are going to have our hands full for years to come.  nothing is going to hold her back.

this is how the events of that day unfolded in photos....

the last picture of me pregnant.

notice will waving at the camera.

if you look closely you'll see ever's tiny hand sticking up as they pull her out.

my mom cutting the cord. 

i think it is so sweet how ever held will's finger the entire time they cleaned her up and did x-rays.  she was comforted by him.

i wish i could have witnessed her calming down to the sound of his voice.

will helped give ever her very first bath.

this was the first time i held her.

such a sweet moment.

more on ever's first days coming up.