from ever

hey everyone it's me, ever...

i just noticed that i've been so busy this month i haven't kept you updated on my daily life and latest tricks.  

i spend a great deal of time modeling for the camera like so...

i'm keeping up with my 2013 fitness goals.

i'm having frequent poopsplosions that create quite the stressful situation for mama especially when she comes close to burning dinner in order to make sure i'm clean and safe while in the tub.  

i think she is starting to catch on that i do this on purpose because i love being in the bathtub so much.  more than one bath a day is the best. 

i've been going for car races around the house courtesy of the wild driver and fellow thrill seeker papa.  

i've taken up the new hobby of climbing.  the higher and more dangerous the better.

i have this little security blanket that i'm always putting on my head in a dramatic fashion.  sometimes i yell boo while doing it...other times i admire myself in the mirror like in the picture below.  

i admire photos of the kitties, the dogs, and family.  lately i've taken a fancy to this old photo of my grandpa.  i stare at it, smile at it, and kiss it.  mama got kind of upset because i was handling it so much that i was wrinkling it so she only lets me have it with supervision.

this obnoxious close up is courtesy of my mama.  how rude of her to catch me when i'm clearly mesmerized by something on the computer.  

another mesmerizing moment with the computer was when mama and papa showed me a trailer for despicable me 2.  i couldn't not take my eyes off it and i laughed a few times.  they say that maybe i can go to the movies to see that this coming summer.  i hope.  

lately i'm fascinated by the door hinge and i try to eat it.  

i don't understand why mama doesn't like to see me chew on it.

pellegrino is my best friend.  he is the sweetest most gentle kitty even when i pull his tail a little hard or pet him in a rough way he never really gets mad at me.  i like to make him lick my finger with his scratchy tongue because it is so funny to me.  

the past several weeks pellegrino has jumped in my crib while i'm taking a nap and i wake up to find that furry friend next to me.  nothing makes me happier.  he only started doing this after houndstooth disappeared, and while i'm still sad she is gone i'm happy for the extra attention from pellegrino.  

sometimes i'm a little bit confused when i find him next to me.

but then i'm happy.

really happy.

until next time.  

xoxo, ever

my connection with brulé

the past few weeks i feel that i've forced myself to be in denial about brulé being in heaven.  those first few days after her life on earth ended i felt everything and it was so painful.  painful physically and emotionally to grieve the loss of a best friend.  i've kept myself busy, which is easy to do with ever, and when i see pictures of brulé pop up on my computer or plastered around my house i kind of pretend that she is still alive and instantly force away the sad thoughts.  

last night i had a dream about brulé and for the first time in a couple weeks i am now crying again and feeling just how much i miss her.  it was such a vivid dream and reminded me of this one i had about her a few years ago.  brulé was vibrant and bouncing around, she seemed extra fluffy, extra gorgeous, and so incredibly happy.  in this dream it was the same as before that brulé and i had a conversation without speaking, we knew each others thoughts and understood them.  we were both overjoyed to see one another.    she ran to me and i sat on the ground and cuddled with her like old times.  i kept telling her that i was so glad she came to visit me.

you know that feeling when you have a dream that seems so real and it is so wonderful that you wake up believing it truly happened and you never want to let go of the memory of it?  that is how i felt when i woke up and i also felt sad facing the reality of the situation.  as much as i don't like the sadness i feel now i am so glad that my beautiful girl came to visit me.    

52 portraits catch up and the beauty of the written word

at the beginning of the year on several blogs i saw a portrait a week plan for the year.  instantly i knew i'd want to do this so at the end of this year i'd have 52 portraits of ever.  each week that has gone by i have been frustrated with myself that i didn't start doing this and then i kept thinking it would be not so cool to play catch up.  but today i'm going to make this happen....play catch up...and from here on out have a portrait a week of my little love.  it's not like this is a hard task considering i take tons of pictures of her every single day.  i know at the end of the year these posts will be really fun to look back at and i'll be glad i did it.  

1/52

2/52

3/52

4/52

5/52

6/52

7/52

8/52

also i wanted to share something that i never really thought about before until i had the discussion with will over the weekend.  will always says that when he's having a stressful day at work or he's in a bad mood all he has to do is look at pictures of ever on his phone and instantly he is in a better mood and ready to tackle what lies ahead.

the last few days will has been asking me to find something that my dad wrote to me which shows his nice handwriting and is meaningful to me.  basically everything my dad wrote whether in my baby book, journal, or a card is like gold to me now that he is no longer on this earth.  there are so many times that i dig out things he has written (i have got to say i'm so glad he was diligent about writing) and find comfort in his wise words.  it is almost as if he wrote things in such a way to help me at times now since he isn't alive...almost as if he knew those words would be so needed in the future.  anyway as i searched for something to give will for this secret project of his which he would not budge and tell me about at all, i found a few sentences that are basically identical to what will always says about ever.  my dad said how after a hard day coming home and seeing me smile melted away all the troubles of the world.  

will brought up an interesting point i never thought of.  in this age of technology will is able to see his daughter at any moment of the day by looking at a video or picture of her on his phone.  back when i was a baby that sort of thing wasn't possible so it would be a whole day before my dad could experience the same sort of joy of seeing a smile from his daughter...makes you really appreciate technology.  on the other hand back in those dark ages 32 years ago when i was a baby it makes me happy to know that communications were of the hand written variety because having that to look at now is a beautiful personal gift.  it is the reason that besides keeping a record of our lives on this blog i do so in my own personal journal and in a journal/baby book of ever's.  it is something i am very passionate about and it is more of an interest for will now as well.     

appreciating your love

i still have not been ready to write about brulé but i wanted to write another small blurb about how happy i am to have friends and family that care.  in the last few weeks i have received flowers,  the sweetest cards, and even a tree was purchased to be planted in honor of brulé.  each bit of love i've received has meant so much to me and i am thrilled to get that tree and plant it in memory of my dear furbaby.  so to each of you who have gone out of your way to make a sad situation full of brightness please know that i am completely appreciative.  

her room and those expressions

i always imagined that right before or after ever was born i'd have her room all fancied up and post lots of pictures of every little baby thing in the perfect spot like i see on other blogs but that wasn't a reality obviously.  i've posted pictures of certain things in her room a couple times, but now that she is almost 11 months old i'm finally getting everything organized and hung up like i want.  in the next couple months i envision we will have all of the shelves and furniture in place in that room and then i'll provide a proper room tour.  i have yet to transition ever to her room.  she is still sleeping in our room in her crib.  part of me would like to always have her in there with us but i feel like she would sleep better in her own room and we will sleep better too.  at nearly 11 months old my girl has finally decided to start sleeping through the night (most nights....of course as i began composing this the other day her sleeping habits have been pretty bad....i was up with her 3 times last night) which is quite wonderful.  now that i'm not up with her so often it is more realistic to have her sleep in her room.  over the weekend will and i took time to finally get all of her clothes stored away in an organized fashion.  it was sad to see the tiny things that wouldn't even come close to fitting her now.  i hope that some day we have another girl so she can wear all of the adorable stuff because so much of it was barely worn and in some cases never worn.  as we put things away i remembered who bought us each outfit and how ever looked in it.  anyway my point to this long intro is that i've always loved ever's room and the more that it is organized the more i love it.  will and i talk about how it is the happiest room of the house.  ever and i have been spending much more time in there lately during the day.  yesterday ever got in a basket that was full of blankets which prompted a random photo shoot and some serious cuteness from the little lady. 

see i really need shelves for all the little things sitting on her dresser and i've figured out the perfect ones...hopefully ever gets them for her birthday....hint hint yaya.

here are close up pictures of the kewpie doll things i framed last month.  

and here is my real life kewpie doll....

kissing her doll....with the loudest most exaggerated smooching noises.

this crabby serious face cracks me up.

those little top teeth are so adorable to me.

valentine's day this year...

well it was a busy one.  it was a day full of getting fancy and rushing around like crazy.  it was a day that left very little time to celebrate exclusively with my valentines will and ever.  our celebration this year was on a large scale with over 300 people at my mom's wedding.

after a quick exchange involving love notes and tulips for me and ever from will.

i was on my way to oasis day spa to do my mom's makeup while ashley did her hair.  

i named myself and chummy ashley the glam squad.  

we had lots of fun making my mom extra glamorous.  

here is the finished product of our glam work.

after that i was rushing home to finish getting ready so that we could make it to the church before the wedding for pictures.  on the drive home i called will to let him know i'd soon be there.  he told me to stay out of the kitchen when i got home because there was a surprise for me.  a couple weeks ago for some reason i ended up telling will a story about how i always wanted a lite brite as a child but i never had one.  i told him of the time we went to visit family and my cousin had one...i was maybe around 7 years old at the time and i remember coveting her lite brite.  will thought my story was heartbreaking so without my knowledge he tracked down a vintage one and when i got home i walked in to find this message on my very own lite brite.  it was such a thoughtful surprise that really made my day. 

i enjoyed my gift for a moment and then ran around like crazy finishing my hair and makeup...getting myself dressed...getting ever dressed...shouting orders to will about what to pack in the diaper bag.  we were late to the church just like we are late to everything now.  luckily we weren't the only ones running behind so it all worked out even if i was totally flustered.  

i didn't manage to get one picture of just me and my mom.  i didn't see very many people i expected to see.  the ones i planned to chat with i didn't have much time to....just part of the deal because i have my sweet ever.  that night when we got home i was kind of sad that i didn't take as many pictures as i would have liked to and especially bummed that i didn't get one with my mom.  also i didn't want to be all paparazzi with the flash going off the entire time so my pictures are kind of dark but we can just say it was to enjoy the mood lighting.    

my mom looked really beautiful.

brandon is the number one walk down the aisle dude...he did that for me too.

ever was such a good girl despite the crowds of people getting all up in her face and her lack of naps plus i realized after it was all over that i think she is teething again.  she melted down after hours at the wedding/reception but up until then she was really sweet and cute and only slightly naughty.

during the ceremony the camera kept her entertained so there are a bunch more pictures like this.  look at those perfect lips.  

this is ever's paper eating face.

the happy couple's first dance.

only picture i got with brandon.  lets talk about brandon.  he wore a kilt and the whole scottish getup obviously and i think it was the perfect look on him.  i told him he should totally wear that all the time especially to fancy things and i told him he should for sure wear that when he gets married one of these days. i'm not kidding...i couldn't get over just how awesome he looked in that.  it was perfect.  he joked that he looked like the dad from the movie brave....which we laughed about....but he didn't.  

we made inappropriate jokes about this little pouch thing that was part of brandon's outfit.  

i was happy to see some of my most favorite friends and spend a little time with them.  we acted like kids and laughed like we always do when we get together.  

my mom and kit didn't shove cake in each others faces.  

ever loves her yaya and was not too happy that yaya couldn't spend tons of time with her but she completely enjoyed this moment with her.  

this was at the point they were having a toast and everyone was quietly listening...except ever.  i have a short video of her making noise i'll try to add at the end of the post.  

this is a new trick of hers...when i set her down she leans back to look at me and gives me the most perfect smiles.  

a great picture of devin and rita.

ridiculous pictures of brandon and nick.  

and right before we left after ever had ripped her headband off and had several crying spells i remembered the only picture of the 3 of us that night was one on my phone dr. taylor took to send to abby so i asked my mom to try and get a good one of us but it wasn't happening at that point with how exhausted ever was.