a wordy update with lots of pictures

here is an overview of last week and the weekend...

most days we stay around the house maybe only leaving for a walk around the neighborhood.  i used to always think there wasn't a point in getting fancied up if i wasn't leaving the house but i've come to realize since much of our time is spent at home it is worth it to put on makeup....and even red lipstick some days because maybe if the world isn't seeing me i feel better when i'm done up.  besides i'm sure it doesn't bother will to come home to wife that has done herself up a bit....especially since the last nine months he has seen me undone more often than not.  

there is just something about red lipstick that makes me feel fancy even if while i'm wearing it i'm wrestling a wild nine month old all day.

ever loves her yaya (my mom) something fierce and the feeling is very mutual.  it is wonderful to witness the bond between those two.  the past several months have been rocky ones between my mom and i for the first time in all of my 32 years.  changes have taken place that i at first had a really hard time with and that my mom had a difficult time adjusting to in many ways.  since my dad relocated to heaven 11 years ago my mom started dating a few months ago for the first time.  something i never thought i'd see her do because she swore she never wanted to.  but as you know things change...she is very happy and that is nice to see.  she is actually getting married on valentine's day this year and i'm sure there will be more talk of that soon so i figured i might as well share.  even when my mom and i have been at odds and not spoken at times she and ever don't seem to miss a beat when they see each other again.  their relationship is truly special.

i always cut will's hair and since ever was born he seems to go really long spans between haircuts because it is just hard to accomplish with our wild one.  she woke up from her nap during his haircut the other night so i set her in the empty bathtub next to us while finishing will's hair.  it made for quite the nice wrangling device for a few minutes.  she really enjoyed it.

ever has been a fan of headstands for a couple months now but i don't think i've mentioned it on the blog or managed to capture a picture.  a couple days ago i caught her in the headstand act with her teething necklace in her mouth (naughty) and wipes in each hand.  she had been busy "cleaning" the mirror prior to showing of her trick.  

it seems that every time we leave the house for a stroll ever wants to take a friend and that friend is usually sophie the giraffe.  she loves sophie.

modeling her new pajamas a few nights ago.  she recently got a big batch of new jammies and leggings because she is growing like crazy.  they are all so cute and i'm sure you'll see them here in the near future.  shopping for her is still my most favorite thing.  when we go to target i don't even look in my section anymore and i'm fine with that.  

lately ever thinks peeking out the window is great fun.  there is something about it that i find positively adorable.  

houndstooth never came home and not to sound all negative but i doubt she will.  i had big hopes the first week or two that she would appear but now that it has been 3 weeks i just don't feel like she will be coming home.  we have had 2 calls from all of the flyers we posted around the neighborhood but unfortunately neither call amounted to anything.  we are going to take the flyers down this week which is really sad. her disappearance has caused many shed tears from the humans in the house and the felines...mama kitty (who houndstooth was a twin of) and brother kitty pellegrino pictured above have definitely shown their sadness as well.  pellegrino seems to be taking things really rough.  his happy sparkle has vanished.  he spends much of his time hiding inside or getting as close to ever as he can.  he doesn't even mind when she plays rough with him.  i think in some ways ever is a sort of replacement for his feline sister houndstooth.  she certainly doesn't mind the extra attention from him and has added kitty to her growing vocabulary.  i think with kitty she is at 9 or 10 words she regularly says.  i suppose we might always have a tiny bit of hope in our hearts that houndsie will return although we know chances are so slim.  ever is definitely a cat lover as well as a dog lover which we established months ago with my moms dogs.  she was really happy about a pair of kitty print leggings we got her at target over the weekend.  she held them as we shopped and kept saying kitty.

will brought this home to me friday and although it is just a piece of paper it meant the world to me that he thought to make this cute little award.  i am so happy to have will as my husband...he is just perfect for me.  

i have been in the process of reorganizing the office/art room in order to make the most of the space.  basically since before ever was born the room has been an unorganized disaster.  i would tackle little bits of the mess when i found time but a couple weekends ago i took hours to really dive in and move things around because it finally became really necessary to sort of make it more baby friendly since this little lady is all over the place lately.  i put a bunch of drawer things that were out in the open in the closet because i was worried ever would either takes things out of the drawers that she could hurt herself with or pull the stacked containers on top of herself.  the room is feeling much more organized which makes me want to create things even more and want to actually spend time in here.  putting things in the closet didn't stop ever as you can see.  i now have chairs blocking the closet door so she can't slide them open but here she was on friday before i blocked her from the fun.

this picture was taken at lunch over the weekend after we left target.  while shopping i let ever play with a bag of cadbury mini eggs (my most favorite candy) to keep her content in the cart.  next thing i know will says...i smell chocolate.  we then notice that ever chewed a tiny hole in the bag and she was trying really hard to get to the chocolatey goodness inside.  we instantly took the bag away which created quite the scene from ever.  we laughed that she must remember that yummy candy from the womb since she was born right before easter last year and i ate my fair share of them prior to her arrival.   

this is what it looks like when i try to feed ever.  she is really picky about eating and creates the biggest mess.  she seemed to enjoy the little organic fruit and veggie pouches i started feeding her at first but now she gets kind of annoyed when i try to feed them to her.  she grabs the pouch or spoon and flings food all over then rubs her face and head.  she gets so mad when i put a bib on her or try to control the mess.  hopefully she will enjoy food more soon and not make such a mess.  right now she enjoys baby mum-mums the most....little rice cracker type things and organic fruit and veggie cereal puffs.  i try cutting up fruits or toast or pasta like her pediatrician recommended but usually it ends up on the floor or she spends more time gagging over texture than actually eating.  picky little lovable control freak.

ever enjoyed some pretend driving over the weekend.....in fact she loved it.  

she drove us right on over to the grocery store so we could do our weekly shopping.

she tried to eat a few things in the produce section.

we got ever this valentine sippy cup with a straw over the weekend.  she thought it was the coolest thing.  drinking out of the straw made her so happy.

it also made her look like popeye on occasion.

ever has been really interested in the lorax movie as of late.  i mean it's not like she will sit and watch the entire thing but she dances to the music and gasps when she sees the truffula trees.  i catch her smiling at certain scenes with the cute critters.  saturday night i checked out the special features on the disc and it turns out there is a couple minute tutorial for kids on drawing the characters.  i got really excited about it and followed along and drew the humming fish along with the lorax.  i'm a nerd like that.  will just laughed and told me he loved me.

if i remember i'll take better picture of the valentine garland i made for our living room.  i found some valentine decor that i almost bought at target but since my cart was pretty full i eliminated the items that weren't super important so the valentine decor was ditched.  i cut x's and o's from cardstock then ripped up a bunch of doilies and taped them on the letters all sloppy but cute like and added some love washi tape to keep everything in place then i strung that along with the heart doilies up on red and white baker's twine.  i'm quite happy with the end result.  will said it is way better than the stuff we were going to buy but he loves to say wonderful things about my creations.  

ever is always flashing this closed mouth smile lately and i melt when she does.  something about the look in her eyes combined with the little smile kills me because it is so cute.  

and last but not least here is ever climbing on a trunk in the office this morning.  i was getting after her for climbing it and she gave me this adorable expression.  she is just too much.  way too much fun and so feisty.  

our doctor friend

a couple days after ever was born i realized 2 things.  

first was that i didn't get any pictures of ever with the doctor who delivered her.  second that i didn't take any videos of her while at the hospital when she was just one and two days old.  i was really bummed about both of those things.  obviously i couldn't rewind to her being one and two days old to take videos of her while in the hospital so i just had to get over that.  luckily i was able to take pictures of dr. taylor holding her when she was 8 days old.   

i think each of these pictures are really sweet.  any time i was at the office after ever was born, which was often because i was always visiting my mom, we would visit dr. taylor and he would be very excited to hold that tiny bundle.  will and i couldn't have asked for a more perfect doctor to care for our growing family.  dr. taylor is a good friend and i am so glad he was the one to help hatch our little lady out of my tummy.  

p.s.  my c-section scar looks very minimal thanks to dr. taylor.

lots of honesty

as i was going through all of our pictures the other day i discovered a handful that i had never seen before.  for some reason they had not been uploaded to our computer.  they were from day 8 and 9 of ever's life.

i was amazed to see just how tiny she was or how big her skull fracture was....sometimes i forget because you can't even tell she had it now.

8 day old ever

can you tell i was in love with her tiny hands?

and look at those long nails...i was afraid to cut them.

  i am amazed to see that little person in those pictures who was such a stranger to me and then look at the rambunctious 9 month old playing next to me who i now know so well.  it is all very unreal.  i sadly didn't feel that connection with ever right away.  i certainly loved her but she was so foreign to me, such a difficult little lady who cried almost all the time and hated to sleep.  i just didn't understand her.  now i understand every little thing about her and i learn more each day.  i know her quirks and know much more about who she is and i love that.  reflecting on those earlier days made me feel so many things.  it made me wish i could rewind to her early days so bad with what i know now.  it made me sad because i felt cheated out of that joyful time during the beginning of her life.  buckle up because things are about to get real...more real than they have been before about exactly what the beginning with ever was like.
i guess i was slightly ashamed and never ready to talk about this before but i think it is important to be honest about it so here you go.  basically i'm going to be honest about what an emotional wreck i was after ever was born and how some of those days were my darkest.  i cried almost daily especially when will went back to work after being home with us 2 weeks.  i cried a bunch if he called me or text me.  i cried just about all day every day for a week or more, then the crying lessened over time.  before ever was born i never imagined i'd feel the way i did.  i guess you could call it some form of post postpartum depression or maybe a hormonal imbalance mixed with the fact that i was barely sleeping and my body was trying to heal from a c-section plus this tiny person i was now responsible for on the outside was just very difficult.  she would be crying and i would be holding her crying right along with her very often.  there were only a couple people that witnessed this time of my life and i think the one who tried to understand it best was will.  he felt so bad for me and didn't really know what to do.  a midst all of the emotions i was struggling with i felt so incredibly connected to will in a way i can't quite explain or even understand.  i would have been happy if we could literally be super glued together at every moment of the day.  i just constantly wanted him around holding my hand and giving me a hug telling me it would all get better.  i never had thoughts of harming myself or ever.  i was just really sad and felt helpless.  waking up in the morning seemed like torture because i was still so exhausted and then i had this little baby crying almost every moment needing something but also not wanting what i was trying to give her.  all the needs of my own were put on the back burner.  i didn't want to set ever down for a minute to get something to eat or go to the bathroom because i knew that meant lots of crying.  i felt such anxiety hearing her cry that i did every single thing i could to prevent it even if that meant being uncomfortable myself.  at the time i felt like there would never be a light at the end of the tunnel.  i spent every single day glued to the couch hoping that if i tried all the tricks in the book (which i did) my breast milk would eventually come in completely and i wouldn't have to supplement formula.  i think 90% of my days were spent feeding ever.  trying to nurse then topping her off with formula.  she loved breast feeding but hated drinking formula so i constantly felt bad because giving her a bottle was a struggle even if she was super hungry.  i felt like a failure even though i tried every possible thing that i could for probably longer than i should have for sanity's sake.  after more than 6 months ever finally decided herself that she wasn't interesting in nursing anymore.  it just gradually happened.  sometimes i'm still sad when i think about how that never worked like i wanted it to, but i did what i could so that is all that matters.  i have to say although i really miss ever's younger stages when i watch videos or look at pictures, this stage now is my favorite in many ways.  she is finally sleeping better.  she is so funny and we get to laugh together all the time. she can keep herself entertained for quite some time which is nice.  it is just so fun to see how much she learns, changes, and grows each day.
you'd think that because the beginning with her felt so difficult that i'd never want to have another child but it's actually quite the opposite.  will and i dream about the day that we have another baby.  originally i said i'd never do it again (when i was in those dark beginning days) but i feel that we are natural born parents.  however we are going to wait until our wild little lady is a bit more manageable to consider having another one.
oh and just so you know...now that i found all of these old pictures i won't be able to resist sharing them so get ready for more of teeny tiny ever minus all the honest words that were meant to be in a short story version but turned into a long story.  just expect lots of pictures of that adorable miniature feisty girl.  

dream big

you know how everyone is all about new years resolutions around this time of year?  well there are a few things i would like to improve about myself and work on but i didn't feel it necessary to make a strict list or really broadcast it.  in all the years i've made resolutions there was only one year that i really accomplished several of them.  it was like as i got in gear with one the rest sort of fell into place.  since i am a true procrastinator it wasn't until about half way through the year that i really committed to my goals but it felt really nice to stick with them.  i attribute some of my success that particular year to writing the goals in my journal then revisiting them often and adding steps that i thought would get me closer to the end result.  as i was thinking of this time of resolutions and goals i thought of this painting.  i day dream often and sometimes my dreams are quite elaborate so why not paint a small mushroom among giant trees and add the words dream big.  sure the mushroom may never reach those heights but there is no harm in dreaming, and so it does.

you can find this in the shop.  

don't fret if you miss a chance to buy this one either because i'm working on a couple others.....not exactly the same but very similar.  after all none of my paintings are exactly the same even if i paint the same scene and that makes them extra special i think.

another post from e

hey everyone...it's me ever.  

i noticed that since my mama was slacking there were some things that weren't discussed on this here blog that i felt were noteworthy so here i am to discuss.

first up....see this outfit i'm wearing?  well i wore the newborn version of this home from the hospital after i was hatched.  my parents got all sentimental and crazy one day at target when they saw this outfit and they bought a size i could wear now.  i don't always understand those parents of mine but they say someday i'm going to so i guess we just wait until that day.  all i know is my little giraffe outfit is comfy and cute....that is what i care about.  

i am obsessed with touching things with my pointer finger.  my mama feeds me these little organic food pouches and before i will take a bite i have to put my finger in the pouch.  the other day while mama was doing her makeup i put my finger in a black tube that is called mascara and i got this black blob on my finger.  it wasn't nearly as pleasant as when i put my finger in my food pouches.  

have you guys ever watched that show the walking dead?  my parents love that show and they said i look like a zombie when i eat strawberries.  yet another thing i don't understand but i figured i'd share anyway.  

this was me giving mama a dirty look at bed time last weekend.  i've been a cranky beast lately because of teething.  luckily one of my top teeth came through the other day so i'm finding some relief.  hopefully the other one hurries up.  

last weekend it snowed for a few minutes.  mama bundled me up and took me outside then laughed about how my eyelashes and fluff of hair caught snowflakes.  

i had an impromptu play date a few days ago with zadyn.  he is the son of marcy (one of mama's best friends).  zadyn is about 5 months younger than me.  i think he is kind of dreamy with those puffy cheeks.  i tried to teach him some naughty screaming type noises when he was here but he is pretty mellow.  we communicated a little bit but he isn't nearly as loud as me.  i don't think he liked it when i poked at his face but he was a good sport.  all i have to say is that i was slightly embarrassed this dreamy fellow saw me in my pajamas.  next time i plan to get fancied up before his arrival.

i did teach zadyn to stick out his tongue for the camera.  you're welcome zadyn.

again with the tongue....i couldn't help myself.  this was the day my tooth came in and i had to keep exploring that new sharp sensation with my tongue.  oh by the way...for all you babies out there...let me tell you that one of the coolest toys you can find in your house is called a remote control.  so fun, i promise.

i can now stand without holding on to anything for a short period of time.  my parents usually clap and make a big fuss when i do this.  i love attention so i'll be doing that often.  

saturday papa was reading me a book when we woke up.  the little bunny abigail talks while you read the book.  i found this pretty entertaining but i think the best part was when mama and papa started laughing so hard that they were crying and couldn't breathe.  papa was so serious as he read the book.  when he came to a line that said something about slipping sliding popping and locking mama went absolutely bonkers crazy laughing.

when mama put on her makeup yesterday she made papa watch every detail of it as she explained each step.  she said something about pretending to film a tutorial.  i don't know what that is but papa watched even if he wasn't having much fun and mama thought it was the greatest.  

when i took my nap today mama was sneaky and took this picture.  i had so much fun before this nap.  i was being rather rambunctious but mama knew i was tired because she knows everything so she sat on her bed and rocked back and forth while holding me on her chest and humming a song from sleeping beauty.  as she was doing this i looked up at her with so much love in my eyes because i really do love her and i smiled in the sweetest way.  mama gave me a kiss and then rubbed our noses together....i guess it is called an eskimo kiss.  i giggled and mama said that moment melted her heart.  i hope that is a good thing.  

i still don't live in my room, i live in my parent's room.  originally my crib was set up in here but they moved it to their room because i wasn't quite ready to not be next to them.  my pediatrician recently mentioned that now would be a good time for me to move to my room.  that discussion made mama and papa sad.  they might wait a few more months but either way mama has been doing some extra decorating to my happy space.  it really is such a happy spot in the house.  i crawl to that room very often because it is full of really cute things.  mama recently framed pages from a book about kewpie dolls which she hung up over the weekend.  she also moved a few things around.  once everything is set up just right i'll be sure to have mama give you a tour of my room.

until next time...xoxo, ever