*i've never known sleep deprivation like this before. i literally feel like a zombie 99% of the time. ever pretty much refuses to sleep unless she is being held. we have tried all sorts of tricks to make her comfy at night but on our chests is her favorite spot which makes restful sleep impossible.
*breastfeeding....it has been tough. i thought it would magically be easy because both of us seemed to get it right after she was born but after several days passed and ever was screaming from hunger and milk still wasn't really coming in we had to start supplementing with formula which broke my heart and had me crying for a week straight. my milk supply is still really low for some unexplainable reason but i try feeding her as much as i can....unfortunately formula is her main source of nutrition. i have tried everything to make it work. met with a lactation consultant several times, took herbs, took a prescription, tried different things with my diet, you name it i've tried it. our wonderful lactation expert still can't figure out why i'm not producing enough especially after all i've tried so i'm just doing the best i can and hoping that one miraculous day if i keep trying the milk will appear. it may not so i'm also learning to let go and not cry about it all day.
*on the subject of crying i've never felt so emotional in my life. these hormonal fluctuations mixed with the lack of sleep make me feel pretty sad and crazy at times. luckily the worst of that seems to be over. i was turning to all of my friends who are moms and they assured me that all i was experiencing was normal. i just wish i would have had that memo beforehand so maybe i'd have been more prepared but i guess you can't really predict how it'll feel since everyone goes through things so differently. once will went back to work after being home with us for the first two weeks i cried any time he called or text me. same story when my mom called or text me. i think they were afraid to talk to me because all i did was cry.
*we have noticed ever seems to be struggling with some colic issues. it makes me so sad to see her sometimes inconsolable no matter what i do. luckily with some adjustments to her formula that seems to be getting a little better.
now that i got some of that out of the way let me tell you this...
yesterday i woke up so happy and in love with will for the following reasons:
*he took ever and kept her settled while i got a couple hours of extra sleep....sleep is like the most precious thing these days. i can't even explain how precious it is to me. side note....my birthday is in a couple days and my mom was asking what i wanted for my birthday. my response.....an ambien (sleeping pill) and her to watch ever so i could get a full night of sleep. everyone laughs when i tell them that but really it sounds like the best present to me.
*he also got to work on cleaning the house and catching up laundry. when i finally did wake up to these glorious gifts i was told i wasn't allowed to do one bit of housework during the day because he was going to do it all.
he literally was/is my knight in shining armor.
then to top it off my wonderful mom, who has been the most supportive angel over the last month, came over last night and happily watched ever so will and i could go on a date. we were only gone a couple hours and during that time we kept talking about ever and thinking about her. i didn't think we would miss her so much but after our movie we rushed home to be with that little crying bundle of love that we adore.
getting ready for our date.
one of the favorite faces she makes.
visiting my mom at work....she is the best yaya....we love her so much....i have a new level of love and respect for my mom.
our little ever.
I think it's good that you're telling about the hard and realistic side to parenting. I'd rather know the truth so if/when it happens to me I can have more realistic expectations of how things will be and therefore be more prepared. Sometimes I think people don't talk about that enough and it's refreshing to know that sometimes it's going to f'ing suck! Lol.
ReplyDeleteStill can't wait to meet her! I think she looks so much like you. :)
My dear love Skye, I am so sorry these first few weeks have been hard. I wish I was there... everyday, just to come over and help do dishes, hold the baby, do the laundry, I hope that things will get into a grove. Have you tried sleeping Ever on her side? With a blanket wedged behind her? You can buy those noise makers that have a heart beat sound, try that. Call me friend. I can be up there in three hours!
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